Cara (causticacrostic) wrote,

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just another day livin in the hood, just another day around the way...

::yeah, so, I'm a dork, we know this already. Nothing entirely exciting happened today. Routine as always. We're now talking about death in English. This is NOT a fun topic for me. I've had to deal with death far too often and I still have not yet accepted it, so it's really difficult for me to talk about it. My professor gets mad b.c we don't talk as much as the other class, which we dont, but this is not just a topic I dont want to talk about, its one I CANT talk about. I can't discuss it and keep my composure. Just sitting there made so many memories flood into my head. I wanted so badly to just get up and leave, but I can't miss another class or I'll be dropped. Grrr....
::guys are really confusing. I've been chatting with this one guy online for a few weeks now. He seemed really cool at first, and I still really want to get to know him better [and in person since we live in the same town], but he keeps having what i like to call "asshole lapses". Like, all of a sudden he'll be a jerk. And when I call him on it, he flips it around and tries to make me feel bad, and attacks his own self esteem at the same time. I dont know if he has a self-esteem complex and uses the being a jerk as a defense mechanism or if he uses a self-esteem complex to justify being a jerk. Its really confusing for me. I REALLY like him as a person [minus the asshole lapses], but I can't be his friend if he wont let me. And I wont be his friend if he's only trying to get into my pants. Im not quite sure what to do here. I'm talking to Adam, so that helps .. he kinda helps put things into perspective for me. I always want to assume the best in people, and thats not always a safe thing for me to do. So, I'm still really confused about this guy, and I'm not sure what to do about him ..... any suggestions?
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